I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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