Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
This toilet bowl is my home.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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