question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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