i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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