It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
