How'd it feel making her break her religion?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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