thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
