Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
