A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
