I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
