I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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