Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
