So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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