It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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