if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
