Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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