so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
