please come you make the beer taste better
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
