now i know why i became what i already was.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So vagazzling was a success
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
