He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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