You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
