Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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