Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
