Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
