By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
