The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
