Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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