I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
