It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
