who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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