I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
