i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
