due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
