standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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