I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
