so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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