I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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