I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i believe in u and ur pee
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
