i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
