The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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