y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
