My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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