it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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