Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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