chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
