My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
