help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
