I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
