u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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