We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
