but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
