we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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