I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
