what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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